Life Changes and Emotional Eating

We are always evolving from one stage of life to another, from one body shape to another. We travel over time from babies to little girls or boys, to adolescents, to women and men, to elders. These life passages happen gradually and have profound effects on the ways we view and care for our physical bodies. Do you recall when you first noticed your body was maturing? How did you react to these changes? How did your feelings towards your body change over time? Were you fearful, excited, curious, anxious, or ashamed? Did you talk to anyone about the changes you were noticing or did you struggle with unanswered questions all by yourself?
Many women and men report that they felt confused and lonely through these life changes and most agree that certain life changes were a least somewhat disturbing to them (and most likely led them to eat to soothe their emotions). As we mature our bodies change but society tells us they should not. So, as our bodies change in natural ways throughout our lives, we may see ourselves in negative ways – as fat, unacceptable, unattractive. It is nearly impossible to feel good about ourselves and our bodies in this culture. Most of our bodies could never match those we are taught to view as ideal and even man and women who have achieved this look are often frightened that they will be unable to maintain their thin appearance over time. For a number of my clients, maintaining weight loss has proven far more difficult and stressful than achieving the weight loss in the first place.
It is no wonder that so many of us have been struggling with compulsive eating behaviors for years. Here are these bodies we received at birth behaving in ways that we have no control over. We cannot stop our bodies from developing any more than we can stop our hair from growing or the sun from coming up. Yet we punish our bodies for simply doing what they are supposed to do. We want to look different than we look – be taller, thinner, have curly hair or a different tone to our skin. Part of stopping compulsive eating behavior permanently means accepting each bodily change as a natural part of life and ourselves as exactly who we’re supposed to be. Change those negative, self punishing thoughts to positive, self-loving ones…. This will help!

Back to the Present -

We spend most of our time living in either the past or the future. We are either thinking about what we have already done, perhaps with regret, or we are spinning off into the future, perhaps overwhelming ourselves. This may be human nature but it is not helpful to us when we are trying to let go of unhealthy habits and change our approach to life in general and to emotional eating and food control behaviors in particular.
If we allow ourselves to focus on the past, we are setting ourselves up for trouble. It is tempting to obsess about mistakes we have made and things that have gone wrong. Seldom do we concentrate on all the things we have done right or that have gone well. This is one of the many tricks of our Chew. Keeping ourselves stuck in the past ruminating about things we cannot change is futile. It is a waste of our energy and keeps us in a negative frame of mind. You can think about the whole package of Girl Scout cookies you ate until the cows come home but it won’t change the fact that the cookies are gone. There is nothing you can do now about a choice you made last night. Continuing to beat yourself up about it only makes matters worse. This is a time to remind yourself to come into the present. Let the thoughts of cookies go and think instead about what you want for yourself in the present moment. How do you want to behave right now? How can you take the best care of yourself and get your needs met in the moment? Tell your Chew that you are not listening and to “stop!” Turn your energy and attention towards nurturing yourself in the present moment.

Moving Helps

I have noticed that most people who come to see me have abandoned their physical selves. Our hearts beat, our breath enters and exits and we are oblivious. We generally do not take the time to acknowledge the miraculous tasks our bodies can perform. If we are not aware of what our bodies are doing, we will not cultivate appreciation for them and this lack of appreciation will make it even easier to abuse them. Conversely, if we take the time to notice and marvel at our wonderful bodies, we will be much more likely to attend to them with awe, compassion and love and it will be harder for us to abuse them.

We need to treat our body in a friendly way. Attending to ourselves in this fashion represents one part of a picture that is forming as we learn about our overeating behavior. To understand compulsive eating and to change old patterns, we must eventually look at the whole picture. For now just know that moving your body is a central piece of the puzzle. Doing so will help you feel better about yourself and overeating will lose some of its appeal. As you feel better, your attitude will change, your emotions will brighten and you will know you are moving along nicely on your Chew Tamer’s Journey.

5 Tips to Help You Prepare For and Survive the Holidays

5 Tips to Help You Prepare For and Survive the Holidays

My Body, My Enemy?

Not only do professionals lack knowledge of the physical reasons for overeating but society in general does as well. We are socialized to be preoccupied with weight and physical appearance and, in the process, we often cut ourselves off from our physical selves. We can maintain a negative image of our body within our subconscious mind while, in fact, having little actual awareness of ourselves as being in a body that feels and performs and moves about for us all day long. Many women look in the mirror only from the neck up. They apply creams and make up and often give little attention and nurturance to the rest of their beings. From the neck down is regarded as “the enemy” – that body which adamantly refuses to cooperate and conform to society’s unrealistically thin image. How can we expect to love and care for our body if we detach from it and think of our body as an enemy?

Overeating is not all psychological either

Many of us, perhaps particularly in the profession of psychology, fail to realize that overeating is only partly psychological, that there is a strong physical component to our behavior. Our clients may think, and we may join them in thinking, that if we can only find that one old emotional wound that needs healing or that one major conflict to solve, eating issues will magically disappear, as if that knowledge and that process alone are powerful enough to put a stop at last to the years of food-abusive behaviors.
It is true that much research has been done on the effects of various foods on our emotions. What does it mean emotionally if we eat too much or too little salt or fat? What happens inside our body if we choose only refined foods instead of whole foods? We may wonder why we race around in search of potato chips or chocolate with such fervor: what is our body trying to tell us that we are unable or unwilling to hear? Where can we acquire the knowledge we need to figure this out? Here is a good reference for you. In their best selling book, Make the Connection, Bob Greene and Oprah Winfrey offer clear explanations of some of the ways our body works. Some topics they address are: natural “set point” weight, water retention, ways we burn and store fat, metabolism, effects of different types of exercise and substances on our body and ways to manage compulsive eating behaviors and weight. Their presentation is clear and comprehensive and I highly recommend their book to learn more about these topics.

What Do Clothes Have To Do With Overeating?

What do clothes have to do with it?

Have you ever stopped to pay attention to the ways men and women are expected to dress? I’m not talking about casual wear. Fortunately, much of that is “gender friendly.” I am talking about clothes for work, for a date, for the office or an evening out, for example. Have you ever looked at a fashion magazine and compared images of both genders? The men are seen standing comfortably in some combination of pants and shirts or jackets. Women, on the other hand, are often found in various uncomfortable positions balancing precariously on shoes with high heels that offer no support to their feet.
These women often appear in tight skirts or dresses and, unless they are as thin as pencils, they may have tight undergarments on that pinch when they exhale. In some outfits women look and feel constricted. The clothes they have on just don’t fit. Now this is a sensitive area for some people and I am not saying there is anything wrong with wearing the latest styles. What I am saying is that some of these styles are not a comfortable choice of clothing for many of us. It is hard for us to relax and feel okay about being ourselves. In clothes that make us uncomfortable on the outside it is even harder for us to feel comfortable on the inside. And when we are uncomfortable within, that so often leads to overeating to soothe our discomfort.