Adolescents and Eating Problems

A recent study, supported by The National Institute of Mental Health, reported in Med Page Today, highlights the seriousness of eating problems in adolescents in our country, finding that they have a rate of eating disorders only slightly less than that reported in adults. It is not surprising that young people are as affected as the pressures on them to look, act and be certain ways mount and food control is one way they may attempt to control themselves and their environment. Sugars and simple carbohydrates abound in the youth culture, are extremely addictive for most and often just as effective as drugs or alcohol at numbing feelings and helping one to escape from the realities and pressures of life.

In over twenty-five years of private practice I have been helping people, young and old, to overcome eating problems and the work is often discouraging and frustrating for all of them. I do understand this, having suffered with anorexia for a long while, bulimia for about seven years, binge eating disorder and extreme obesity – finally feeling at peace today about my body and food.

I have discovered that it is not about being thin. It is about feeling balanced and happy and enjoying life. It saddens me to see so many people spending their days thinking of how they can be smaller, fooling themselves into thinking that they will be happy “then.” The time to be happy is now but as long as your energy is directed at what you perceive as “wrong” about you, you can never appreciate all the wonderful things there are about yourself.

Understanding and overcoming over- (or under-) eating is complex but can be done. It requires that you question those messages that you are constantly bombarded with to be different. You may think you will garner approval if you do your best to please everyone else, but that will never work. You are the only one you need to listen to. You have the wisdom to decide what’s best for yourself. Several times a day, close your eyes, breathe and focus within yourself. Think about what you want, what you need at that moment and notice how you feel. Then ask yourself what you truly need at the moment. It may actually be to eat but chances are it is not.

Don’t beat yourself up for craving. That will never help! Sugars, fats and salt are highly addictive so be aware when you choose them that you are likely to want more. Make the best choices you can in all areas of your life. When you’re tired, rest. If you’re sad, cry. If you’re lonely, call a friend. Do not expect to behave perfectly. That is not the human way and if you set that impossible goal, you are guaranteed to fail. Above all else, nurture yourself with all the love and care you need and certainly deserve! As you do, your body will come to its perfect weight.

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We are all works in progress

Americans are the fattest people on earth. Why is that? Why are we as a culture so overweight? Why are so many of us prone to eating to excess? Why are so many of us obsessed with food and body size? Why have so many of us alternated between eating compulsively for periods of time and then dieting for a while? Why has this become a common, life-long style of food management for so many? Why have millions of women and men become entangled in a pattern which is so self-destructive and that can lead to obesity, high blood pressure, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, a general sense of being out of control as well as a host of many other problems? We are all different, of course, and some people have not experienced such a struggle. Most of us, however, eat more than we want or need to at times, and for some over-eating has become a life-style. What can we do about this? What can you do to bring more balance and peace into your personal relationship with food (or drugs or alcohol or any other addictive substance or behavior)?
I have studied this issue and specialized in working with people with food control concerns for over twenty years. I have waged my own private war with compulsive eating and dieting – enduring phases of obesity, bulimia and anorexia. I have finally found a path to a healthier life with a more positive, balanced and appreciative attitude towards myself, my own body and food. Please understand, however, that I too am a work in progress and will continue to be so for the remainder of my time on this planet. My body is not and will never be “perfect” according to our contemporary societal standard and I will never negotiate my path “perfectly”. However, after more than sixty years of alternately starving and stuffing myself, the idea of perfection has become irrelevant. It has been replaced instead by a feeling of peace and an appreciation of myself, the person I have become and of the many wonderful things my body can do.
From time to time I share my perspective about compulsive eating behavior and my philosophy of treatment in this blog. Please note that our physical bodies and our emotional and spiritual selves are intertwined and that we have been heavily influenced in our society to look and act in certain ways to be accepted and approved of. So, to feel in control of our impulses to eat compulsively, we need to address all of these areas and to map out strategies to bring each of these aspects of ourselves into balance. This requires us to know ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually and to understand the impact social forces have had on us throughout our lives. This is no small task but it is possible and worthwhile. As I write to you each week I will be touching upon all of these areas in one way or another. Thank you for being on this Chew Tamer's Journey with me!

Helping the overweight child

As a professional speaker and psychologist I am often asked questions about preventing obesity -- for adults and children. This blog has focused primarily on the difficulties of the adult but today I dedicate this to the millions of children who struggle. If you have children, please read this and pass it on. It will give you ideas for preventing obesity in children as well as ways to help if they are already overweight. Also please don't hesitate to contact me if you have questions or would like would like me to deliver a program for your organization or association.

NEVER:
tell your child they look fat or will get fat.
comment about their weight.
embarrass, humiliate or shame them.
put your child on a diet – this will ultimately cause weight gain
focus on appearances.

ALWAYS assure them that you love them for who they are, not for what their body size is or is not. Focus on making healthy choices – on feeling as (physically and emotionally) healthy, strong and balanced as possible.

Do not use food to reward or punish your child. Rewards should be things like extra time with you, a hug, a little later bedtime or a special outing. Punishments (better thought of and explained as consequences of the child’s behavior) include early bedtimes, no television or loss of a privilege.

Be aware that food and mood are intertwined. If a child is eating sugars and refined carbohydrates and not getting enough protein, they will likely be depressed, lethargic and angry. Stressors that are a natural part of life can become overwhelming to them.

Know that a bagel, pretzel or bag of popcorn is only sugar in disguise. White flour products, pasta, corn and starchy vegetables metabolize immediately into sugar in our bodies. These are the foods that put on extra pounds.

Also know that we all need healthy fats every day – (olive oil, a bit of real butter). These will not add pounds but, if you do not get some healthy fat, your body will think it is starving and you will make up for that with craving more carbohydrates and sugars.

Make sure they are eating protein three times a day and some carbohydrates, like fruits and whole grains and you are likely to see immediate, positive changes in their behaviors and moods. Make a list of proteins your child enjoys and consult your list when you’re in a hurry (some suggestions: meatballs, homemade hamburgers instead of fast food, almond, soy or peanut butter (Be careful, commercial peanut butter can be loaded with sugars. Buy natural if you can. Also, other nut butters are more nutritious than peanut butter.), yogurts and cheeses, nuts). Remind yourself often to provide protein of some sort at each meal (especially breakfast).

Soft drinks are loaded with not only sugar, but caffeine as well and children are very sensitive to both of these substances. Limit (and eventually eliminate) sodas. Encourage your children to drink plenty of water (or juice mixed with water if you must.) Fruit juice is loaded with sugar and even though it is a natural sugar, it still causes weight gain and fosters dependence upon sweets. Buy juices with no sugar added. Often hunger is really thirst in disguise. Once your child has had a healthy drink (preferably water) and is hydrated, he or she may not be tempted to grab snacks.

Help your child to understand that they really do need a protein at each meal. It feeds their muscles and they need it to be strong and healthy and happy. Talk matter-of-factly and directly about this. They may rebel at first, saying they don’t like chicken, meat, fish, almond butter, nuts etc., and you will have to be very firm and unwavering about your absolute intention to take the best care of them possible because you love them so much.

You are the parent and you decide. At first a child may not like you for setting limits. Later they will appreciate your effort (maybe not until they are parents themselves).

Introduce changes gradually and don’t get into power struggles about it. Simply say, “You can have the cookie (candy, ice cream, etc.) if you want, but you do need to have some protein first so your body gets what it needs to be strong and happy.” If your child says, “OK, then I won’t eat anything.” That’s OK. Tell them they can make that choice. Your child needs to know that you have their best interests at heart and are not going to give in or bargain and plead for them to eat. Unless your child has a serious medical condition, it won’t hurt him or her to miss a meal once in a while.

Fast foods and sugar-filled treats should be offered sparingly. Limit pizza (if your child has pizza once in a while sprinkle it with ground meat, tofu or poultry), chips, fries, fast food burgers, ice creams, bagels and candies (and remember that the “healthy” alternatives, like granola bars and fruit treats sold in grocery stores are loaded with sugar).

Have truly healthy alternatives on hand. In summer, frozen fruits like raspberries to snack on are particularly refreshing. Celery stuffed with nut butter or soft cheese, nuts (unsalted preferably), raisins, yogurts, raw veggies with dips (like lo-calorie salad dressings). Be creative. Make trail mix from dried fruits and nuts and toss in a handful of M&Ms for appeal if you need to do this at first to capture your child’s interest.

Limit TV, computer and video game time. This forces kids to use their imaginations and, if they are also undergoing dietary changes, they may feel better and choose to do more physical things. Any creative activity burns more calories than sitting in front of a TV or computer screen. This also enhances self-esteem which is at the core of food control issues.

Encourage your child to try all sorts of physical activities such as a family walk or bike ride. Plan frequent weekend hikes. Try a nearby swimming pool or beach. Let friends come along. Model an active life-style as much as your own time and physical health allows.

Talk directly with your children. Have weekly family meetings. Discuss how you’re doing as you work on improving your health and ask them how they are doing. Listen. Tell them you love them and want all of you to be as healthy as possible, which is the reason the whole family will be making some gradual changes.

Talk with them, on their own level, about the dangers of fast foods and sugars. Discuss how playing video games and watching television too much is harmful and that more and more children and teenagers are gaining weight and getting sick. Point out television commercials that are made to trick children into eating more fast foods and sugary foods. Tell your kids that people are just now becoming aware that some foods we have all been eating are really harming our health.

Be sure that your child gets plenty of rest. Children are busy growing and their bodies need time to recoup. A set bedtime is essential. A half an hour or so of quiet time before “lights out” and/or a warm bath or shower close to bedtime can help with unwinding and preparing to go to sleep. Do not allow eating for at least an hour or two before bedtime. Lying down to sleep with a full stomach interferes with they body’s ability to fully relax and rest.

Make sure you ask your kids how they’re doing every day and listen to their answers. It’s hard being human and especially hard being a child who can’t understand the complexities of life the way we can as adults. Notice how your child is acting and how he or she appears to be feeling. See if what you are observing matches what they are telling you. Let them know you are noticing and that you are always there for them. Resist the temptation to lecture. Instead listen as caringly and attentively as you can. Hold fast to your limits and boundaries but don’t be too rigid.

What is most important is:
Letting your children know you care…
Feeding them in the healthiest ways you can…
Paying attention to them…
Asking them how they feel and validating them…
Listening to what they have to say…
Respecting them…
Setting clear, sensible boundaries…
Outlining clear expectations (and reasonable consequences when you must)…
Giving freely of your love…
This is all that’s needed.

And, finally, please remind yourself often that…..
YOU CANNOT EXPECT YOURSELF TO DO ALL THESE THINGS PERFECTLY EVERY TIME AND YOU CANNOT EXPECT YOUR CHILDREN TO BEHAVE PERFECTLY ALL THE TIME EITHER. BE GENTLE WITH YOUR CHILD AND BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF.

Copyright 2006
Dr. Denise Lamothe of Exeter, NH is an emotional overeating expert and author of
The Taming of the Chew: A Holistic Guide to Stopping Compulsive Eating.
She is a clinical psychologist, doctor of holistic health, author and professional speaker.
Ph/Fax: 603-778-4814 -- http://www.deniselamothe.com/ -- Denise@DeniseLamothe.com

Be Yourself: Everyone Else is Taken

It does seem to me that more and more people are approaching at a new level of understanding. Despite all the confusing messages about what to eat and how to eat it, people seem to be recognizing some basic “truths”.

First is the fact that diets DO NOT work – in fact they CAUSE weight gain. They do this by enticing us with promises that are unrealistic. They say we will permanently shed pounds by depriving ourselves of food and consequently, fun. Then our bodies scream at us to feed them more because we do not feel satiated. Chances are we have not eaten enough of the foods we require to have the energy and zest we need to meet the demands of each day.

Emotionally we may feel sad and discouraged about how we have deprived ourselves and make up for that by eating double or triple the amounts and eating much more often. We then gain weight back and as each pound tips the scale, our feelings of guilt and shame grow in proportion to our waistlines. Of course, this leads us back to check in the refrigerator or cupboards for some little morsel to “take the edge off” our pain and we stay spinning in this cycle of deprivation…overeating…beating ourselves up… seeking food for comfort …gaining more weight and trying even harder to be “good” (no, “perfect”) dieters. These more fervent attempts to diet and drop 20 pounds in a weekend only reinforce our failure and cause more and more emotional eating and self-deprecating feelings.

It is clear that we do not have to exercise for hours a day at our local gym but that we do need to use our bodies and move them around every day. We can swim, walk, dance, bike, do chair exercises or whatever else pleases us. We can stretch our muscles gently with yoga postures or Tai Chi movements. We can appreciate the many ways our bodies serve us in every moment and stop beating them up or trying to force them into unrealistic shapes and sizes.

We are also beginning to understand the sleep/appetite connection. Much research has proven that lack of sleep causes an excess of ghrelin to be released in our bodies. This hormone causes an increase in appetite. Simultaneously, we slow down our production and release of leptin – the hormone which signals our brains that we are satiated. No wonder those of us who are always tired and dragging ourselves through life are eating our weight in sugar on a regular basis!

Please interpret this information as permission to slow down and to relax more. We live in a high tech, fast paced world where we can never go fast enough. Remember, this increased stress causes the release of cortisol in our bodies and this increases our appetite dramatically... caffeine also causes leaps in our cortisol levels (not to mention its contribution to sleep deprivation). I think people are getting this message.

My hope is that folks are recognizing that life is about a lot more than being thin. Thankfully, being healthy tops the list these days for many of us Chew Tamers. As the obesity epidemic in our country and worldwide grows, I like to think that a parallel movement is underway. This is the time for all of us to work towards greater energy, vibrant health, and body sizes that support our efforts to enjoy the experiences life brings to us every day. We can learn to accept ourselves no matter what size or shape we are at this time. We can find and embrace opportunities for self improvement every day. We are all works in progress moving towards our ideal state of radiant health. And remember, you are never alone. We are all on this journey together!

And, in the meantime, as a bumper sticker I saw once reminded me…”Be yourself! Everyone else is taken!”