WOULD YOU LIKE TO STOP EMOTIONAL EATING?

In honor of Emotional Overeating Awareness Month, it is valuable to review the following article. April is a fantastic time to think about your own eating patterns. Emotional eating is a lifestyle for many and causes weight gain, frustration, guilt and shame. We may be soothing painful feelings or mindlessly snacking and we become disconnected from physical hunger.

You can manage your stress in other ways -- take a walk, talk with a friend or take a warm bath for example. You must consider your total wellbeing. If you think self-destructive thoughts about your appearance then you are likely enter a loop of negative thinking leading to negative behaviors, increased weight and worries, deprivation, guilt, shame and fear. This can lead to depression, increased anxiety and eventual apathy. You may submerge yourself in unhealthy food to shield yourself from these painful feelings because you know from experience that these substances will reliably provide a few minutes of relief.

You are eating for emotional, not physical, reasons and you set yourself up to fail at meeting your goals. Once you accept yourself and become gentle with yourself, you will make progress toward reaching your ideal weight, vibrant health and balance. Each of you must figure out precisely your own ways to soothe yourself during difficult times. Pause, breathe and substitute positive thoughts to turn your negative thinking around.

Pay close attention to your feelings. As I describe in great detail in my latest book, The Appetite Connection, they represent your internal guidance system (which is never wrong). When you identify what you are feeling you will know what to do. If you make yourself number one and heed the messages your feelings are delivering through this system you will move closer to your goals.

This is your life and your body and emotional eating will never bring you the happiness that you deserve. To be happy, healthy and whole is up to you and the time is NOW!

many blessings! Dr. Denise

It Takes a Little Courage to Stop Overeating

Throughout my life I struggled with anxiety and depression. I went through the gamut of eating disorders, surviving anorexia, seven years of bulimia, followed by binge eating, and extreme obesity. I was all over the map emotionally and physically. I was homeless for a period of time and eventually married and gave birth to three children. Still, I suffered and there was no end in sight to my self- destructive behaviors. I was living my life in service of everybody else and neglecting myself but I didn’t realize this.

I arrived in my adulthood driven to take care of everyone around me. Translated, this meant I needed to control them. If I saw someone failing to do what I thought was best, I would rush to the rescue. I thought I knew what was best for everyone. I was wrong.

One day it occurred to me that taking everyone's pain away and minding other people's business might not actually be my job. If I was spending my time minding other peoples’ business, who was minding mine? No, my job was to respect and love them but also to validate their choices and their feelings. I learned I also had to love, respect, and validate myself. This was a revelation! It seemed remarkable that I could begin to pay attention to myself. A novel and frightening idea! I resisted because I was afraid people wouldn't love me if I wasn't hovering with concern and advice. Again I was wrong.

But how to change?

How could I, a woman with low self-esteem and no confidence in my early twenties, find what I needed to jump-start my way into a different life experience? I was an unhealthy, overweight, overworked young mother of three. How was I going to find the vitality and enthusiasm that I so badly needed for each day? How could I convert a worrier's persona into that of a “warrior”? How could I become brave? It was going to take many steps, mostly forward; but I also needed to know there would be some slipping and sliding backward in the process. I had no idea what to do.

Then I took a big risk. My kick-start and one of the first steps toward my empowerment was learning to ride an off-road motorcycle, something I had always wanted to do. (OK, call me crazy.) I placed my large derriere on top of a very fast motorcycle and challenged myself to become an off-road motorcycle racer. I didn't want to be just a woman riding a bike; I wanted to ride well, fast, and ultimately race. The idea seemed preposterous at the onset, but, as I began to ride–at first very slowly and cautiously–I discovered a whole new me hiding inside. Suddenly the world seemed different. I felt more powerful, more adventurous, and I began to build confidence and value myself more than I imagined possible.

The thought of being on a motorcycle was preposterous at the time. I was extremely overweight, always tired, and often depressed. I was scared and lacked confidence. However, I had this picture in my mind of flying down the woodland trails, weaving from side to side with a big smile on my face as I negotiated the twists and turns of the terrain. Most of the time, it wasn't that easy or romantic. In fact it wasn’t like that at all. My vision certainly did not match reality.

I spent more time on the ground, in the mud, or under my bike than I did on top of it. I had to wear long sleeves and pants to cover my bruises. Then I noticed that each time I rode, I stayed upright a little longer than I had before. I wore tall leather boots, a belt to protect my kidneys, lots of padding, and thick gloves. Eventually, I learned how to cross railroad tracks and logs. Soon I could negotiate deep water holes without falling (at least most of the time). Each trail, power line, or mud hole I encountered presented a new challenge. Racing became a metaphor for my life. Gradually, I was able to apply my new self-confidence to everyday challenges. Of course I still had a long way to go. There were times I was flying along through life with a big smile; at other times, I felt as I did before: stuck in deep mud or upside-down off the trail with my bike on top of me.

As the months and years slid by, I noticed trail-riding was less painful. Focusing on the trail ahead and my performance took my mind off the more difficult aspects of daily life. I began to feel more alive and less anxious and depressed. I became more confident and discovered my progress riding the trail paralleled my progress in life. I noticed I was having more fun–both on and off my motorcycle.

Surely this was about much more than just sitting on a bike! Actually, each ride propelled me into a more positive frame of mind. As my skills on my bike improved, I felt more competent in my role as wife, mother, daughter, and employee. I was more conscious of how I treated my body, and this led to taking better care of my mind and spirit, as well. Please note: I'm not saying this one act of motorcycling provided me with a magic answer or that my path was miraculously transformed into a positive, productive one. I am saying it was a start, a kick start.

Now I feel too old to race. I don’t have the quick reflexes that I had 30 years ago. But the lessons of living my life courageously, keeping myself and my own needs in focus have never faded. I now enjoy my life. Anxiety and depression may creep in around the edges at times, but that is the way life is for any human being and no one can feel fabulous every minute. For the most part however, my life is balanced, healthy and joyful! I wish everyone the same!

Happy New Year and be sure to get your autographed copy of The Appetite Connection. It will help you move into 2012 with renewed vigor and joy!

Many Blessings! Dr. Denise

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Happiest of Holidays from Dr. Denise and Sapphi

This time of year brings many opportunities and one of those opportunities is to over eat. We may think we are only going to have one piece of mom’s apple pie or cheesecake but how many of us are content to stop there? That pie often opens the floodgates of craving and many of us have spent holiday season after holiday season telling ourselves to have just one little treat and instead binge our way through not only the holiday season but also well beyond the New Year.

I am frequently asked for tips on how to get through this time of year without the self-abuse of over eating and over drinking. Here are a couple of ideas to help you through:

Reserve time each day just for yourself. Along with the hustle and bustle of holiday time come extra tasks that compete for your time and energy – decorating, baking, choosing, buying and wrapping presents, writing thoughtful cards to friends and loved ones, etc. We may find ourselves rushing around taking care of everyone and everything but ourselves. We each need to find a way to make time for ourselves. If we don’t, we become overtired, overwhelmed and consequently likely to over-feed ourselves as a way to cope with holiday stress.

If we set aside moments here and there to nurture ourselves, we are far more likely to take care of ourselves in healthy ways all season long. When we take the very best care of ourselves, we are better equipped to attend to the needs of those around us. We are more relaxed, more balanced and more energetic. Holiday time can be more fun and less like an exhausting commercial marathon.

When you attend a holiday party, allow yourself to eat some healthy protein, fat and complex carbohydrates beforehand to avoid arriving with your appetite in overdrive. Sip on water with lemon and steer yourself towards the healthier choices at the buffet table. As a result you will be less apt to fill yourself with sugars and simple carbohydrates. And remember that alcohol is basically sugar. It is different however, because not only does it tend to spark sugar cravings but it also removes inhibitions and hampers good judgment. When you drink, you care less whether something is a self-loving choice and are liable to binge your way mindlessly through the evening. And you already know how that feels.

One strategy many of my clients have found helpful is this: Write a reminder note to yourself on a small card that you can carry in your pocket or purse. On this card you might say something like, “Reminder to self: Breathe. I am making self-loving choices tonight. I choose to feed myself well. I will not give my power away to unhealthy foods and drinks. I deserve to nurture myself.” Then every hour or so, take a little break and find a quiet spot. (Restrooms are ideal.) Pull out your card and read the reminders. This practice will keep you in balance and you will arrive home at the end of the night feeling relaxed and powerful instead of ashamed, guilty and physically ill.

So please enjoy the spirit of this time of year. Do only what you truly want to do and decline needless chores, chaos and calories. Make this the best holiday season ever by taking the very best care of yourself. Keep yourself number one. You’re worth it!

By the way, The Appetite Connection is now available on Kindle for your instant enjoyment. And did you know that all books purchased via my online store are personally signed by me before they are sent your way? How cool is that?!

Please join and "like" me on Facebook! Thanks....

Sapphi and I wish you and your loved ones many, many holiday blessings!
Warmly, Dr. Denise

Hot off the Press! The Appetite Connection

As many of you already know, I was a homeless college drop-out, survived multiple eating disorders, and raced motorcycles while single-parenting three children. Misery and depression were my binging companions. I know what it’s like to yo-yo diet, fill with shame, cry my heart out and resolve to do it better next time, only to fail again and again and feel worse and worse.

I am thrilled now to present to you The Appetite Connection: Six Steps to Your Delicious Life and the Body You Long For. This book is for you and about you (and me too). It is about how we have been victimized in today’s culture and about how to take charge of our bodies and our lives NOW.

Perhaps you were urged to mold yourself into a shape that you will never achieve. Maybe you were invalidated and learned that your feelings and thoughts were of no importance. Chances are that you were humiliated at times and learned to protect yourself by pushing your emotions deep inside. Instead of being taught how absolutely precious you are, you learned that you were faulty in some way. That is not true. You are perfect just as you are. You will never be able to do everything perfectly at all times – that is not the human way – but you are a perfect being none the less.

My position is that we have all been damaged in some ways during our lifetimes. The beautiful light within each of us has been hidden under a blanket of fear. We grow up thinking that we are not good enough and we work harder to prove our worth to others to garner their approval. We think if we can get others to admire us, we will know that we are good. We focus outside of ourselves searching for direction and approval instead of looking within and trusting ourselves to know what is best. This tactic will never help us blossom into the energetic, joyful spirits that we are deep inside.

Each of the six steps explained in my “hot off the press” book has been designed to help you understand why you have been behaving as you have and then to help you reconnect with your spirit. You are then free to create the life of your personal dreams – a truly delicious life (delicious, as defined by The Encyclopedia Britannica Company, Merriam Webster, means “affording great pleasure” and your life should be exactly that – a life of pure pleasure). The Appetite Connection is about gratitude, hope and healing.

I highlight physical, emotional, social, spiritual and environmental aspects of self-destructive behavior and offer you many possible suggestions for change. What you choose to do with this information will be unique to you. There is no one answer, no one right way. You are a distinct being – precious and loveable. My hope is that you will realize just how magnificent you truly are!

To learn more about my revolutionary new work visit http://www.theappetiteconnection.com/ .

Are You Distracted?

Dear Blog Friends.... So sorry to take so long to write trhis time. I have been buried with plans to launch The Appetite Connection.... Although not nationally launched as yet, it will be on sale soon and you will be the firsts to know! Thank you for your continued patience....



By focusing on our weight and our appearance and by numbing our feelings with food, we keep our minds distracted. Millions of women are constantly preoccupied with thoughts of food, their bodies and their weight and I have wondered, “What would all these women be thinking about if their minds and their energy were not occupied worrying about what they eat and how they look?” A good question, I think. Would women be more likely to set and achieve goals, to empower themselves in some way, to assume more prominent roles in our society? Would there be more programs created designed to eliminate injustices in the world? Would there be less domestic violence? I wonder. What do you suppose you would be thinking about if not food and your weight?


Take a few minutes to consider this question. Close your eyes. Slowly take a few very deep breaths and think about how often you are focused on your eating behavior and your appearance. Think about what things you would rather expend your energy thinking about. Note any thoughts that pass through your mind. Notice any areas of interest or conflict that emerge. Ask yourself what you can do to develop one of those interests or to resolve one conflict. Sit with these thoughts for a few moments. When you feel finished, you can open your eyes and return to the book. What is important here is not that you discovered a long list of interests to pursue or conflicted situations to remedy.



What is helpful is that you took time to go inside of yourself and to notice your thought process. You may not have noticed any interests or conflicts emerging. That is fine. The exercise is merely to remind you that there are other things in life besides food and appearance to occupy your mind. Use this exercise every so often to take a look at your priorities. If you are consumed (no pun intended) with thoughts of food and your appearance, this exercise can help you to put those worrisome thoughts into perspective.


On Monday, October 24th - Dr. Denise Lamothe, Clinical Psychologist, Dr. of Holistic Health and author of The Appetite Connection was on Susan Gorman’s show, Psychic Stories to discuss over-eating, self-care, and how to achieve a healthy relationship with food and the body you long for in six steps. Tune in and enjoy this entertaining, amusing and unusual interview with Dr. Denise.

http://audio.wscafm.org/hourlies/WSCA_10-24-2011_09-00.mp3


Enjoy! I promise more soon!
warmest wishes,
Dr Denise

What do you really look like?

It is hard to just be ourselves. For years, many of us have tried, usually with little or no success, to portray a certain image and we have been brainwashed into looking outside of ourselves to decide exactly what that image is. We have been told how to dress and how to feel about it.

I recall being in seventh grade and feeling simultaneously excited and nervous about starting ballroom dancing classes. Shortly before the first lesson, my mother presented me with a garter belt, nylon stockings, a girdle and a long line bra. Imagine that! Seventh grade and already I had to fuss to hide every bulge and jiggle. My emotions, as I recall, were mixed. Partly I was excited to make my grand entrance into this mysterious grown up world and partly I was horrified. I remember the flesh of my thighs overflowing the tight little stocking tops and I remember smiling through my misery as I tried to look absolutely beautiful gliding across the dance floor.

What was to be a magical, wonderful experience turned into a strained and difficult one. Did you ever find yourself in such a predicament? Were you ever dressed to match an image that didn’t quite fit? Are you still doing that? My wish is that each of us value who we are and how we look. Be yourself. Be real. You are lovely as you are!


Please visit my store when you have a chance. new products are appearing all the time and this month we are introducing a new tip booklet: Happy Halloween Hints - Tricks not Treats

Want to share my excitement with you. My latest book, The Appetite Connection will be available for sale in about 2 weeks now. I am thrilled and optimistic that many of you will find the answers you are seeking within its’ pages. I hope you will read it and let me know what you think. Feedback is always welcome.






And please visit my Facebook page and "like" it so you will know the minute The Appetite Connection: Six Steps to Your Delicious Life and The Body You Long For is hot off the press!

Be well and have a magnificent day! Dr. Denise

Robotic Eating and Weight Gain

This little figure on the left is simply called "Appetite". (You will learn much more about her/him in my latest book, The Appetite Connection.)

In both The Taming of the Chew: A Holistic Guide to Stopping Compulsive Eating and The Appetite Connection: Six Steps to Your Delicious Life and the Body You Long For, I discuss habitual eating…. Or robotic eating. It is helpful to understand what this behavior is, how it is connected to your Appetite and how to move on.

Most of us eat “robotically” at times. Sometimes we eat and don’t even realize we are eating – the biting, chewing and swallowing have become automatic. When we perform any behavior for a period of time, it becomes automatic. It is performed without conscious thought. Remember the first time you drove? You’d studied the traffic laws and watched the films in class. The first time you got behind the wheel and the instructor told you to start the car, you had to think of each detail. You had to pay close attention. You thought about putting the key into the ignition, placing your left foot on the clutch and your right one on the brake or gas, shifting into the appropriate gear, and then turning the key to the right. It felt strange and unfamiliar. It did not take long, however, for these behaviors to become automatic. Today, you most likely hop into your car and go without giving any of these details a conscious thought. You know how to drive. The motions have become automatic. Your subconscious is fully aware, however, to ensure you succeed at starting the car. And of course you must still be extremely conscious of being on the road and of other vehicles.

The same phenomenon takes place with our eating behavior and at a much younger age. As infants we cry for many reasons – perhaps we have an uncomfortable, wet diaper or a pain somewhere in our little body. We can’t speak to tell our caretakers what is wrong and they often respond to our cries by putting a bottle or breast into our mouths. So we learn through this that crying brings us oral gratification. We quickly learn to associate food with comfort. We don’t even have to think about it. It is automatic. We feel “bad,” we reach for food. We experience discomfort of any kind, we eat.

As adults, if we feel “better” eating chocolate when we are upset about something, it doesn’t take long for eating chocolate to become an automatic response when we want to feel better – and who doesn’t frequently have times when they want to feel better? If we begin to eat snacks at night in front of our television sets, again, it can quickly become a thoughtless habit. Many women eat automatically when preparing meals for their families. They “taste” as they prepare supper and when the actual meal is ready, have already eaten more than enough. They then sit down with their family members and eat the full supper they have prepared for everybody else. The “before dinner food” was eaten automatically and barely noticed. They don’t realize they have eaten the equivalent of two or three dinners and are truly surprised when the scale reflects their actions.

Another common situation in which people eat without consciousness is while driving. People who spend a lot of time on the road often find, if and when they notice, that they have been eating and eating and eating as they have been driving along. The snacking has become so automatic that it is virtually unnoticed. For most of us, food is readily accessible and easy to grab, especially fast foods and junk foods. Unhealthy food behaviors are easy to develop and impossible to change unless we are aware of them. How often do you “automatically” stop by the candy machine at work? How often do you eat and later feel surprised to notice you had eaten so much? How often do you engage in conversation with a dinner partner and finish your meal without having been aware of your food or the experience of eating? What are some of your patterns of automatic eating? Possibly you have been eating a great deal of food in this “robotic” way, barely noticing that you have been putting it into your mouth. Be assured, however, that although you may not be noticing what you are doing, your body is noticing, the calories are adding up, and the numbers on the scale are continuing to rise.

Sit down and think about times you may be engaging in robotic behavior. and write down any automatic eating that you have become aware of. Next, make a plan to change one behavior. For example, if you realize that you have been munching while preparing dinner, make a choice to sip a large glass of lemon and water as you cook instead. In this way, you eliminate a behavior that is hazardous while substituting a healthy one. If you discover that you snack frequently while driving, choose not to bring food into your car anymore. Try this exercise often to see how many changes you can think of to make over time. Then make a plan to change them one at a time – gradually and slowly.

Another way to bring robotic eating into conscious awareness is to write down everything you eat during a one week period. Keeping a diary like this for a brief period can help you bring unconscious eating behavior into your conscious mind. A word of caution is necessary here. Do not keep a food diary longer than a few weeks. If you do, you may become more rigid and focused on food. You may find yourself more obsessed with your diet than ever. This is counterproductive, so use your diary briefly and once you become aware of ways you have been using food automatically, you can make different choices. Then you will understand your Appetite and you will be in control.

For those of you in the north east, my new book, The Appetite Connection: Six Steps to Your Delicious Life and the Body You Long For will be launched on October 18th at 7 PM at Water Street Books in Exeter, NH. We will have a short talk, refreshments, a signing and lots of fun. Please join me there if you can make it! I would love to see you!