Connect with Yourself at Holiday Time

It may be the season to be jolly but for many it is a difficult and frightening time. It is that time of year when social occasions abound and we are faced with so many food choices it can be overwhelming. Navigating your way through the holiday festivities is a challenge to be sure!

Have you ever really paid attention to how focused our culture is on food? Virtually every occasion we experience has food as a central theme.

Think of Thanksgiving without turkey and pumpkin pie or Easter without candy eggs. How about Valentine’s Day with no chocolate, birthdays or weddings with no cake or even meetings without refreshment breaks? How often do we get together with friends without including food? We ask people to meet us for breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner. We invite them over for coffee or a drink. When was the last time someone asked you to get together just to spend time enjoying each other’s company? Food is everywhere and a part of nearly every occasion.

How can we take care of ourselves in this food-oriented culture? How can we socialize with friends, celebrate holidays and birthdays, go to fine restaurants and relax about it? How can we manage to enjoy ourselves, eat only some of what is offered and feel satisfied? How can we survive this constant exposure to food? If we eat too much, the result is anxiety and we will want to eat to medicate this feeling. If we eat too little, we feel deprived and set ourselves up to binge later. If we have weight to lose, we feel anxious about that and if we have lost the weight we wanted to lose, we feel anxious that we will gain it back. (Many people report that they find it much harder to maintain weight loss than to lose the weight in the first place.) So we eat because we have not lost weight and we eat because we have lost weight. What a dilemma! At either end of the scale, anxiety lurks and if we don’t know healthy ways to cope with the anxiety, we eat.

It is impossible to be harmonious, balanced and content all the time in social situations or in life in general. If we feel too successful or unsuccessful, for example, we find ourselves off balance and anxious. Anytime things are a little too “good” or a little too “bad” we find ourselves racing to the refrigerator in search of something to help us find emotional balance. We mistakenly think food can provide this for us. It cannot. Only we have the power to cope with our own difficult feelings as we negotiate our way along our own life’s path.

All this can be very confusing and discouraging. Whatever holidays you may celebrate, remember to keep your needs in the foreground and to nurture yourself. Even in settings where opportunities to sabotage yourself abound and your “Chew” is screaming for “treats,” you do not have to feel helpless and victimized. Give yourself time before you go out to sit, close your eyes, listen to your internal guidance system, connect with your appetite and breathe. Think through the event and decide how you will approach it. Be mindful once you arrive and make as many self-loving, conscious choices as you can. Enjoy whatever you do choose to eat and never, under any circumstances, beat yourself up. Remind yourself that you are in charge of you – not your “Chew” and remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. So try to relax and be gentle with yourself. The more you nurture yourself in other ways, breathe and remind yourself that you have conscious choices to make every moment, the less important food will become.

warmly,

Dr. Denise

Hot off the Press! The Appetite Connection

As many of you already know, I was a homeless college drop-out, survived multiple eating disorders, and raced motorcycles while single-parenting three children. Misery and depression were my binging companions. I know what it’s like to yo-yo diet, fill with shame, cry my heart out and resolve to do it better next time, only to fail again and again and feel worse and worse.

I am thrilled now to present to you The Appetite Connection: Six Steps to Your Delicious Life and the Body You Long For. This book is for you and about you (and me too). It is about how we have been victimized in today’s culture and about how to take charge of our bodies and our lives NOW.

Perhaps you were urged to mold yourself into a shape that you will never achieve. Maybe you were invalidated and learned that your feelings and thoughts were of no importance. Chances are that you were humiliated at times and learned to protect yourself by pushing your emotions deep inside. Instead of being taught how absolutely precious you are, you learned that you were faulty in some way. That is not true. You are perfect just as you are. You will never be able to do everything perfectly at all times – that is not the human way – but you are a perfect being none the less.

My position is that we have all been damaged in some ways during our lifetimes. The beautiful light within each of us has been hidden under a blanket of fear. We grow up thinking that we are not good enough and we work harder to prove our worth to others to garner their approval. We think if we can get others to admire us, we will know that we are good. We focus outside of ourselves searching for direction and approval instead of looking within and trusting ourselves to know what is best. This tactic will never help us blossom into the energetic, joyful spirits that we are deep inside.

Each of the six steps explained in my “hot off the press” book has been designed to help you understand why you have been behaving as you have and then to help you reconnect with your spirit. You are then free to create the life of your personal dreams – a truly delicious life (delicious, as defined by The Encyclopedia Britannica Company, Merriam Webster, means “affording great pleasure” and your life should be exactly that – a life of pure pleasure). The Appetite Connection is about gratitude, hope and healing.

I highlight physical, emotional, social, spiritual and environmental aspects of self-destructive behavior and offer you many possible suggestions for change. What you choose to do with this information will be unique to you. There is no one answer, no one right way. You are a distinct being – precious and loveable. My hope is that you will realize just how magnificent you truly are!

To learn more about my revolutionary new work visit http://www.theappetiteconnection.com/ .

Happy Thanksgiving!

Am I the only one amazed that it is holiday time once again? It seems that summer just wrapped up last month and we were welcoming the splendor of autumn. Now we are busily planning for Thanksgiving and other festive occasions that arrive soon after the turkey leftovers have been gobbled up. (I noticed that this week my local supermarket is featuring a display of snow shovels right inside the main entrance!)

Have you noticed that as each year passes time seems to accelerate and the seasons fly by more rapidly than ever before? Keeping up with the responsibilities of each season is stressful. Even the “fun” things – all the festivities, the decorating, getting together with friends and family can mean added stress. So, as always, I write to remind you to take the very best care of yourself possible this holiday season.

Because this time of year can be particularly stressful it is vital that we nurture our positive relationships and talk with loving family and friends whenever we can. Being able to vent our frustrations or share our triumphs with someone who cares about us helps us feel connected. Being overly busy may complicate this at times however, and we may feel lonely and isolated if we don’t maintain those important ties through the busiest times.

Identify people who can help you to thrive during the holiday season, or any time. Find people who will listen and not judge you or feed you advice that you definitely don’t want or need. Talk to a buddy – a human one, a pet, or a favorite stuffed animal. I find that when folks are stressed, lonely, tired, sad, etc. they are often tempted to race for a fix of sugars and carbohydrates to calm themselves down and take the edge off their feelings. Contact your buddy instead and talk about what’s eating you.

None of us are immune to the pressures of the holiday season. This time of year brings many opportunities and one of those opportunities is to over indulge. We may think we are only going to have one piece of mom’s apple pie or cheesecake but how many of us are content to stop there? For some of us that pie may open the floodgates of craving and many of us have spent holiday season after holiday season telling ourselves to have just one little treat and finding ourselves instead overeating through not only the holiday season but also well beyond the New Year. Our lives are demanding and to live each day to the fullest requires dedication and energy. If we overindulge instead of taking care of ourselves, we are likely to find even small tasks daunting. We can easily slip out of balance and we don’t feel well. Overdoing in any area of our lives leads to lethargy and we lose the sparkle, zest and vitality required to make each day vibrant and memorable.

Enjoy your day!!! Blessings, Dr. Denise

Are You Distracted?

Dear Blog Friends.... So sorry to take so long to write trhis time. I have been buried with plans to launch The Appetite Connection.... Although not nationally launched as yet, it will be on sale soon and you will be the firsts to know! Thank you for your continued patience....



By focusing on our weight and our appearance and by numbing our feelings with food, we keep our minds distracted. Millions of women are constantly preoccupied with thoughts of food, their bodies and their weight and I have wondered, “What would all these women be thinking about if their minds and their energy were not occupied worrying about what they eat and how they look?” A good question, I think. Would women be more likely to set and achieve goals, to empower themselves in some way, to assume more prominent roles in our society? Would there be more programs created designed to eliminate injustices in the world? Would there be less domestic violence? I wonder. What do you suppose you would be thinking about if not food and your weight?


Take a few minutes to consider this question. Close your eyes. Slowly take a few very deep breaths and think about how often you are focused on your eating behavior and your appearance. Think about what things you would rather expend your energy thinking about. Note any thoughts that pass through your mind. Notice any areas of interest or conflict that emerge. Ask yourself what you can do to develop one of those interests or to resolve one conflict. Sit with these thoughts for a few moments. When you feel finished, you can open your eyes and return to the book. What is important here is not that you discovered a long list of interests to pursue or conflicted situations to remedy.



What is helpful is that you took time to go inside of yourself and to notice your thought process. You may not have noticed any interests or conflicts emerging. That is fine. The exercise is merely to remind you that there are other things in life besides food and appearance to occupy your mind. Use this exercise every so often to take a look at your priorities. If you are consumed (no pun intended) with thoughts of food and your appearance, this exercise can help you to put those worrisome thoughts into perspective.


On Monday, October 24th - Dr. Denise Lamothe, Clinical Psychologist, Dr. of Holistic Health and author of The Appetite Connection was on Susan Gorman’s show, Psychic Stories to discuss over-eating, self-care, and how to achieve a healthy relationship with food and the body you long for in six steps. Tune in and enjoy this entertaining, amusing and unusual interview with Dr. Denise.

http://audio.wscafm.org/hourlies/WSCA_10-24-2011_09-00.mp3


Enjoy! I promise more soon!
warmest wishes,
Dr Denise

What do you really look like?

It is hard to just be ourselves. For years, many of us have tried, usually with little or no success, to portray a certain image and we have been brainwashed into looking outside of ourselves to decide exactly what that image is. We have been told how to dress and how to feel about it.

I recall being in seventh grade and feeling simultaneously excited and nervous about starting ballroom dancing classes. Shortly before the first lesson, my mother presented me with a garter belt, nylon stockings, a girdle and a long line bra. Imagine that! Seventh grade and already I had to fuss to hide every bulge and jiggle. My emotions, as I recall, were mixed. Partly I was excited to make my grand entrance into this mysterious grown up world and partly I was horrified. I remember the flesh of my thighs overflowing the tight little stocking tops and I remember smiling through my misery as I tried to look absolutely beautiful gliding across the dance floor.

What was to be a magical, wonderful experience turned into a strained and difficult one. Did you ever find yourself in such a predicament? Were you ever dressed to match an image that didn’t quite fit? Are you still doing that? My wish is that each of us value who we are and how we look. Be yourself. Be real. You are lovely as you are!


Please visit my store when you have a chance. new products are appearing all the time and this month we are introducing a new tip booklet: Happy Halloween Hints - Tricks not Treats

Want to share my excitement with you. My latest book, The Appetite Connection will be available for sale in about 2 weeks now. I am thrilled and optimistic that many of you will find the answers you are seeking within its’ pages. I hope you will read it and let me know what you think. Feedback is always welcome.






And please visit my Facebook page and "like" it so you will know the minute The Appetite Connection: Six Steps to Your Delicious Life and The Body You Long For is hot off the press!

Be well and have a magnificent day! Dr. Denise

Robotic Eating and Weight Gain

This little figure on the left is simply called "Appetite". (You will learn much more about her/him in my latest book, The Appetite Connection.)

In both The Taming of the Chew: A Holistic Guide to Stopping Compulsive Eating and The Appetite Connection: Six Steps to Your Delicious Life and the Body You Long For, I discuss habitual eating…. Or robotic eating. It is helpful to understand what this behavior is, how it is connected to your Appetite and how to move on.

Most of us eat “robotically” at times. Sometimes we eat and don’t even realize we are eating – the biting, chewing and swallowing have become automatic. When we perform any behavior for a period of time, it becomes automatic. It is performed without conscious thought. Remember the first time you drove? You’d studied the traffic laws and watched the films in class. The first time you got behind the wheel and the instructor told you to start the car, you had to think of each detail. You had to pay close attention. You thought about putting the key into the ignition, placing your left foot on the clutch and your right one on the brake or gas, shifting into the appropriate gear, and then turning the key to the right. It felt strange and unfamiliar. It did not take long, however, for these behaviors to become automatic. Today, you most likely hop into your car and go without giving any of these details a conscious thought. You know how to drive. The motions have become automatic. Your subconscious is fully aware, however, to ensure you succeed at starting the car. And of course you must still be extremely conscious of being on the road and of other vehicles.

The same phenomenon takes place with our eating behavior and at a much younger age. As infants we cry for many reasons – perhaps we have an uncomfortable, wet diaper or a pain somewhere in our little body. We can’t speak to tell our caretakers what is wrong and they often respond to our cries by putting a bottle or breast into our mouths. So we learn through this that crying brings us oral gratification. We quickly learn to associate food with comfort. We don’t even have to think about it. It is automatic. We feel “bad,” we reach for food. We experience discomfort of any kind, we eat.

As adults, if we feel “better” eating chocolate when we are upset about something, it doesn’t take long for eating chocolate to become an automatic response when we want to feel better – and who doesn’t frequently have times when they want to feel better? If we begin to eat snacks at night in front of our television sets, again, it can quickly become a thoughtless habit. Many women eat automatically when preparing meals for their families. They “taste” as they prepare supper and when the actual meal is ready, have already eaten more than enough. They then sit down with their family members and eat the full supper they have prepared for everybody else. The “before dinner food” was eaten automatically and barely noticed. They don’t realize they have eaten the equivalent of two or three dinners and are truly surprised when the scale reflects their actions.

Another common situation in which people eat without consciousness is while driving. People who spend a lot of time on the road often find, if and when they notice, that they have been eating and eating and eating as they have been driving along. The snacking has become so automatic that it is virtually unnoticed. For most of us, food is readily accessible and easy to grab, especially fast foods and junk foods. Unhealthy food behaviors are easy to develop and impossible to change unless we are aware of them. How often do you “automatically” stop by the candy machine at work? How often do you eat and later feel surprised to notice you had eaten so much? How often do you engage in conversation with a dinner partner and finish your meal without having been aware of your food or the experience of eating? What are some of your patterns of automatic eating? Possibly you have been eating a great deal of food in this “robotic” way, barely noticing that you have been putting it into your mouth. Be assured, however, that although you may not be noticing what you are doing, your body is noticing, the calories are adding up, and the numbers on the scale are continuing to rise.

Sit down and think about times you may be engaging in robotic behavior. and write down any automatic eating that you have become aware of. Next, make a plan to change one behavior. For example, if you realize that you have been munching while preparing dinner, make a choice to sip a large glass of lemon and water as you cook instead. In this way, you eliminate a behavior that is hazardous while substituting a healthy one. If you discover that you snack frequently while driving, choose not to bring food into your car anymore. Try this exercise often to see how many changes you can think of to make over time. Then make a plan to change them one at a time – gradually and slowly.

Another way to bring robotic eating into conscious awareness is to write down everything you eat during a one week period. Keeping a diary like this for a brief period can help you bring unconscious eating behavior into your conscious mind. A word of caution is necessary here. Do not keep a food diary longer than a few weeks. If you do, you may become more rigid and focused on food. You may find yourself more obsessed with your diet than ever. This is counterproductive, so use your diary briefly and once you become aware of ways you have been using food automatically, you can make different choices. Then you will understand your Appetite and you will be in control.

For those of you in the north east, my new book, The Appetite Connection: Six Steps to Your Delicious Life and the Body You Long For will be launched on October 18th at 7 PM at Water Street Books in Exeter, NH. We will have a short talk, refreshments, a signing and lots of fun. Please join me there if you can make it! I would love to see you!

Postponing a Binge

Eating issues are frustrating to say the least! There are times they won’t be too important and other times when they feel overwhelming. Please understand, this is not unique to you. Most people struggle from time to time. Sometimes the urge to binge will be strong and those cookies will be calling your name. You may or you may not choose to grab a handful!

Whatever you choose, the idea is to break the pattern of mindless eating. Give yourself time to breathe. Be creative. Relax, exercise, have fun and then re-evaluate your need to binge. You will often find that you feel good about yourself for making this effort and the powerful urge to eat has subsided. At other times you will still feel the urge to eat but it may not be quite as strong and you may be able to resist it. As suggested in The Taming of the Chew, make a list of alternative behaviors and choose one to engage you as a way of moving away from the urge to eat. If you still feel like binging after 15 or 20 minutes doing something else, you can always continue the activity you were doing or choose another activity from your list to further postpone a binge. Usually at that point you will feel in control and the urges will have subsided.

If not, however, and you choose to eat, please take a minute to decide what you will have. Choose your behavior and make a plan to take care of yourself in the aftermath. Remember, no matter what, do not punish yourself for choosing to take care of yourself with food this one time. At other times you can and will choose different ways to behave. No one is perfect and we all make less than self-loving choices at times. Occasionally your Chew is bound to win. This is true for all of us and it’s OK!

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Have a fabulous day! Dr. Denise