From Dr Denise, Emotional Eating Expert -- Food: Reward or Punishment?

Food can be a reward or a punishment! When we were children we were most likely both rewarded and punished with food. Desserts were likely withheld until all of the vegetables had disappeared and you may have been given candy if you behaved. You may have been sent to bed without supper as a punishment or not allowed the ice cream or candy others received because you had been “bad.” For most, if not all of us, there are memories of food being used in these ways. Food is a powerful motivator. Behavior modification programs use candies, for example, to change difficult behaviors in children or in people who are learning impaired. Once the child or adult learns that he or she will receive a candy when they perform a specific behavior, they become motivated to perform that behavior again to receive another treat. It is extremely effective.

We have all been conditioned in this same way to some extent. If we learned as children that food is a reward, we may continue to use it in that way and the deprivation we experience on any diet plan may translate to us as punishment. If food was withheld from us when we were little to keep us in line, we may feel angry now when we experience any hunger. We may rebel against those who punished us then by eating even more now than we really want or need. Begin to notice how often you give yourself a “treat” as a reward. Notice how often you feel deprived and punished at times when you are restricting food.

Taking responsibility for what we put into our mouths means, in part, releasing some of our old beliefs about food. If we can appreciate food as neutral – not good or bad – we can begin making more thoughtful choices. Food is a powerful force in each of our lives. It is hard to untangle our present eating behaviors from the ways we viewed and experienced eating in our childhood years. It is helpful to recognize this and to begin paying attention to the ways you may be using food to reward yourself or how you may be experiencing even mild hunger as a punishment. If you realize your tendencies to do this, you will be less compelled to act on impulse, eat for emotional reasons and you can give yourself time to decide whether you really want to eat or not.

Dr. Denise, Emotional Eating Expert -- Is it OK to fall off the wagon?

Not only is it OK to "slip" at times but it is beneficial and important to do so.

I find that most of the people I have worked with over the past 25 years hold fast to self-perfectionistic expectations. They often feel like failures if they don't do everything perfectly. Although I believe we are all perfect just as we are, it is impossible to behave perfectly every minute.

If you insist on perfection, you automatically set yourself up to fail. If you break your "diet" for example by eating one cookie you may soon find yourself beating yourself up emotionally and shoveling more cookies in to anesthetize yourself (with sugar and fat) from the feelings of frustration and disappointment you are experiencing. You may feel like a failure and this leads to more hyper eating, resulting in even lower self-esteem and guilt and more cookies.

I often recommend the Bach Emotional Eating Support Kit to my clients. Using this helps improve body image, stop that "out of control" experience and helps them get back on track in a self loving, not restrictive, way. They can then give up the idea of perfection in all areas of their lives, accept themselves as human beings and learn from their "slips."

The heart of the matter is that many people feel that if they behave in a way that conflicts with their idea of perfection then that makes them "bad." They are not "bad." They are simply reacting as all humans do, sometimes doing better than other times. It is essential to learn that there are no mistakes, only lessons and an important lesson here is to give yourself a break. The pressures of trying to be perfect at all times takes a tremendous toll. Life is just too short for that!

Dr. Denise, Emotional Overeating Expert -- Social reasons to overeat

Another common reason to overeat is connected to social situations we frequently face. It is impossible to be harmonious, balanced and content all the time in such situations or in life in general. If we feel too successful or unsuccessful, for example, we find ourselves off balance and anxious. Anytime things are a little too “good” or a little too “bad” we find ourselves racing to the refrigerator in search of something to help us find emotional balance. We mistakenly think food can provide this for us. It can not. It can only soothe us temporarily. Only we have the power to cope with our own assortment of feelings as we negotiate our way along our own life’s path

All this can be very confusing and discouraging. At times it is hard to keep our needs in the foreground and to nurture ourselves. Even in settings where opportunities to sabotage ourselves abound and our Chew is screaming for “treats,” we do not have to feel helpless and victimized. We don’t have to be emotional eaters! It may be hard for you to believe, but it is possible to feel under control even in the most food-focused situations.

Remind yourself to slow down, breathe and regroup. Take a quiet minute to reaffirm your commitment to yourself and your health. Remember that the goal is to create the most joyful, vibrant life. You can actively pursue that instead of reacting to everyone else and their comments and ideas. Your path is yours alone and no one else’s opinions need to affect you unless you allow them to.

Denise Lamothe, Emotional Eating Expert -- My New Year's Message to You

Happy New Year to you! If you are like most, you have made your commitment to change your lifestyle and to treat yourself in healthier ways than you have in the past. Perhaps you have the goal of getting rid of those extra pounds. Well, you can do it! But, and it’s a big but (not butt) because we live in a food focused environment.
Have you ever paid attention to how focused our culture is on food? Virtually every occasion we experience has food as a central theme. Think of Thanksgiving without turkey and pumpkin pie or Easter without candy eggs. How about Valentine’s Day with no chocolate, birthdays or weddings with no cake or even meetings without refreshment breaks? How often do we get together with friends without including food? We ask people to meet us for breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner. We invite them over for coffee or a drink. When was the last time someone asked you to get together just to spend time enjoying each other’s company? Food is everywhere and a part of nearly every occasion.
It is important for us to ask ourselves these questions. How can we take care of ourselves in this food-oriented culture? How can we socialize with friends, celebrate birthdays, go to fine restaurants and relax about it? How can we manage to enjoy ourselves, eat only some of what is offered and feel satisfied? How can we survive this constant exposure to food? If we eat too much, the result is anxiety and we will want to eat to medicate this feeling. If we eat too little, we feel deprived and set ourselves up to binge later. If we have weight to lose, we feel anxious about that and if we have lost the weight we wanted to lose, we feel anxious that we will gain it back. (Many women report that they find it much harder to maintain weight loss than to lose the weight in the first place.) So we eat because we have not lost weight and we eat because we have lost weight. What a dilemma! At either end of the scale, anxiety lurks and if we don’t know healthy ways to cope with the anxiety, we eat.
Focus your energy on taking gentle care of yourself. Make your resolution to be as self-loving and joyful as possible and do what you love. The rest will be ever so much easier to manage and emotional eating will recede into the background!

Dr. Denise, Emotional Eating Expert, This Time I Mean It!!!

REMINDER! Please join me!

This Time I Mean It!

2010 is the time to stop doing what you've been doing and start doing something that will actually work!
Do you want to
· Define what success means for you?
· Outline effective ways to achieve your goal of radiant health, balance and perfect weight?
· Understand what makes food control so hard at times and why you always want more?
· Learn what drives you to eat when you know you're not really hungry?
The answers to these questions are different for every person but you can get clarity and direction!
NOW is YOUR chance to sit with three experts who will help you answer these vital questions for yourself!
JOIN DR DENISE and TWO ESTEEMED COLLEAGUES, Rich DiGirolamo and Scott Marcus!
Learn how to finally create the life you desire in 2010,

THIS TIME I MEAN IT
January 3, 2010, 2:00 – 3:30 PM
Click here to learn more and register: www.thistimeimeanit.com/
REGISTER NOW AND SAVE
$20.10 BEFORE January 1st, $27 after.
...And receive three free gifts! WOW!

From Dr. Denise Lamothe, Emotional Eating Expert, THIS TIME I MEAN IT!

This year, instead of setting the frustrating, impossible to keep goals of daily exercise and deprivation dieting, try something new.

First I invite you to join me for an exciting webinar on January 3rd, 2:00 Eastern Standard time, 11 Pacific time. This is an exciting opportunity. I will join 3 colleagues and we will present a 1 1/2 hour seminar called "This Time I Mean It!" Please follow the link for details and I do hope you will join me. Not only will you have fun and get great information but you'll receive free gifts! Wow! What an opportunity! I'm sure you'll agree...

Meanwhile, here are a few tips for you as you move from "holiday (I didn't take the best care of myself)" mode to "joyous, vibrant health" mode...

First, instead of giving anything up, make your new year's resolution to become the healthiest and happiest you can be.

Find a flexible, healthy eating plan that appeals to you -- something you can live with long term.

Readjust your exercise goals. Instead of daily, how about three or four days a week?

Set your sights on long term improvement -- no quick fixes.

Try something new -- take an art classes, try a new activity or enroll in an enrichment course at your local college. Sign up for "ThisTime I mean It!" You will be able to ask your questions and to hear three different perspectives.

Use the Bach Flower Emotional Eating Support Kit to improve your body image, stay in control and stop repeating the same old mistakes.

Find a fun buddy (NOT a diet buddy) plan something fun each week to do together. You will have that to look forward to and take your mind off of your worries.

Stay positive. When things are getting you down, make a list of things you appreciate in your life. This can turn your mood around and eating won't be so compelling.

I send you warm wishes and much joy in 2010.

from Dr. Denise, Emotional Eating Expert: We eat to medicate ourselves

We sometimes eat to anesthetize uncomfortable feelings. This is emotional eating. Change is a part of life and it is generally accompanied by many feelings. Some may be pleasant, some not, but all feelings are valid and necessary. If we pay attention to our cravings and urges to eat we can use our experiences with food as barometers that give us valuable information about our feelings. For example if we crave crunchy foods that allow us to use our jaws powerfully, we might be angry. If we seek creamy, soothing foods, such as ice cream or puddings, we might be lonely or sad and seeking consolation.

If we notice what we are feeling and then pay attention to these feelings they will give us valuable information about the choices we are making and the experiences we are having. Often, however, we fail to pay attention to these urges and act on them instead. When we fail to attend to our feelings and deny or suppress them instead we set ourselves up to binge. Food provides a way of medicating ourselves so we will not feel difficult feelings and many of us learned how effective this is long ago. If we feel anxious, tense, depressed, bored or scared, for example, we might head for the kitchen to sedate ourselves with sugars, fats and carbohydrates. If we feel angry, we might stuff ourselves to keep a lid on things. This often works in the short term but, in the long run, we still have to deal with the situations that provoked these feelings. The longer we wait to deal with difficult situations, the harder they are to confront.

Our feelings are to be honored and valued – not numbed with food or other substances. There are healthier ways to cope with life situations and to deal with distressing feelings. There are other ways – ways that are far more effective and satisfying. For the moment, it is enough just to realize that our feelings are interwoven with our eating behaviors and that we don’t need to use food to manage our feelings.