Self love, not emotional eating, is the answer

People who come to see me frequently report a sense of being alone in their struggle. As I have said before, we all have a strong need for connection – to feel loved, accepted, and cared about. Without the presence of these feelings, at least some of the time, life’s battles quickly become overwhelming and the task of treating ourselves with compassion, respect and nurturance seems impossible. It is then that we turn to sugar, salt and fat and try to soothe ourselves through emotional eating. We cannot count on others or on food to give us these good feelings. We must learn to give them to ourselves by finding the love, connection and energy we have deep inside. Our work is to learn to love ourselves.

Dr Denise Returns

Please excuse my long absence. Chew Tamer’s blog was moved but now I’m back and I hope all of you faithful readers will return. Starting next week I will once again begin posting information that will help you along on your Chew Tamer’s Journey. I look forward to reconnecting with all of you. I will be addressing emotional eating issues from physical, emotional, social, spiritual and environmental perspectives. Please e-mail your concerns and questions to me at denise@deniselamothe.com. I will answer in my weekly bloggings as swiftly as I can and please visit my new website www.drdenise.org. There is much info for you there as well...
My warmest wishes, Dr. Denise

Blog move

As of now, my Chew Tamer's blog will continue at a new address: www.drdenise.org . Please join me there for future posts. Thank you, Dr. Denise

Benefits of being overweight

When I suggest there may be something you are getting out of your extra pounds, you may think my idea is absurd! But, as a Clinical Psychologist, Weight Loss Analyst and someone who has struggled with and survived the entire spectrum of eating disorders with over 25 years of personal and professional experience, I know this to be true.

Being overweight is not simple and generally there are at least a few hidden, unconscious agendas behind the eating behavior. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and think for a few minutes about the advantages you get from being overweight. Then return to the present. Write those advantages down. Perhaps your weight provides the illusion of safety. For example it can keep you from taking the risk to be in a romantic relationhip or it gives you an excuse to stay home and hide.

Now note any other, more nurturing ways you can take care of yourself and your feelings and write these down. Next, choose one area where you would like to make a change. For example, if you have discovered that one advantage of overeating has been to numb feelings of grief, you might plan to talk with a friend about your loss. In this way, you allow your feelings to surface and find expression and you no longer need food to anesthetize yourself. You can do this exercise often as a way of checking in with yourself and changing your compulsive behavior.

It works!

My best,
Dr. Denise

Inspiration from Dr. Denise Lamothe

A few days ago I received an e-mail from a young man who had been struggling with eating problems throughout his life. His had yo-yo dieted for many years before his weight skyrocketed to 495 pounds. He was dianosed with a debilitating, frightening heart condition and this was indeed his wake-up call. He consented to lap band surgery and began educating himself about his self-destructive eating -- looking at the physical, emotional, spocial and spiritual aspects of this frustrating issue. He was kind enough to write and tell me that reading The Taming of the Chew gave him the hope he so desperately needed to begin walking down his own path to a healthier life. He is working now on loving himself, staying in the present, giving up perfectionistic self expectations and being gentle with himself. He is embracing his challenge and he has inspired me! That's why I am sharing him with you!

Enjoy Spring!

Stopping emotional eating

To be your very best, naturally healthy, vibrant, beautiful self and to stop eating for emotional reasons, you must consider your total wellbeing. It is no longer possible for you to think in terms of calories in/calories out as your guide.

If you think self-destructive thoughts such as “I really am fat. I need to lose these ugly pounds” you will feel bad and you will attract more” bad feeling” thoughts. Then you are likely to get stuck in a loop of negative thinking leading to negative behaviors, extra pounds, increased worries, stronger efforts to diet, more deprivation, discouragement, guilt, shame and fear of gaining more and more weight. This can lead to depression, increased anxiety and eventual apathy. You are likely then to submerge yourself in sugar and simple carbohydrates to shield yourself from these painful feelings for the few moments, hours or days of relief that you know these substances can and reliably will provide.

Going on a new diet plan is likely to leave you more frustrated, discouraged and depressed than before. You know that fad diets won’t work. They cause weight gain.

Make friends with yourself. Don’t expect to be perfect all the time. Stop, relax and really give yourself what you truly want and desire. Once you accept who you are and become gentle and non-judgmental with yourself, you will be able to achieve your ideal weight and vibrant health. Each of you must figure out precisely your own ways to soothe yourself during difficult times.

You can take advantage of the Bach emotional eating support kit which contains three powerful remedies to help you learn to appreciate your body (Crab Apple), remain in control of your eating (Cherry Plum) and to stop repeating your same overeating mistakes over and over again (Chestnut Bud). For more information about this extremely helpful resource, visit www.emotionaleatinghelp.org.

Pause, breathe and substitute positive thoughts to turn around negative thinking. As you courageously shift your perspective in this way, you move quickly towards the life of radiant health and balance that you have longed for. Pay close attention to your feelings. They represent your internal guidance system (which is never wrong). When you identify what you are feeling you will know what to do every minute. If you make yourself number one and heed the messages your feelings are delivering through this system (as consistently as possible) you will move closer and closer to meeting your goals.

Remember that this is your life and your body to do with as you wish. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing, thinking about or telling you. Emotionally eating and keeping yourself murky and drugged with unhealthy foods will never bring you the happiness that you deserve. To be happy, healthy and whole is up to you and the time is NOW!

Educate yourself to stop overeating

Many of us grew up in families where there was little awareness of healthy eating. The media encouraged our mothers to give us “love” by filling our lunchboxes with white bread and sugary cupcakes. One client told me that she had been raised by her grandmother who decorated cakes to make a living. Her grandmother had little money left over for healthy foods and my client would often be given the leftover cake tops and frosting (frosting sandwiches) for her dinner. In my home, we sometimes had what my mother named “assorted sandwiches.” We loved this meal of little sandwich triangles (on white bread, of course) made from various jellies, butter, white sugar, marshmallow, molasses and peanut butter. Fortunately my mother did not feed us this very often. She did have some nutritional common sense, but many mothers did not and many women suffer today with unhealthy habits left over from childhood.

Although many women come to see me having read nearly everything they could get their hands on regarding diet, it is surprising that they often lack knowledge of the basics about food, nutrition and the effects of substances on their health and body size. To change compulsive eating behavior, you must have basic knowledge about ways in which you are impacted by various foods and beverages, exercise and other physical factors. If you do not, you will continue to feel helpless and to eat in an out of control way.

Remember to register for the exciting webinar This Time I Mean It! This will be 90 minutes of helpful information from myself and two other weight loss strategists. Register now and you will receive the information you need to hop on to the call. Hope to have you there.... This coming Sunday at noon eastern standard time, 3 Pacific.

Have a great week! Dr. Denise