Why do we overeat?

Overeating is about a lot of things. It is about how we feel about ourselves at the, about self-love and self-loathing. It’s about feeling off balance and disconnected. It’s also about what’s going on in our bodies on a cellular level and about how tired or how stressed we feel. Food abuse has to do with the quality of our relationships and the environment in which we live. It has to do with what our hormones are up to and what season it is of the year. Destructive and/or healthy food behaviors tie in with our attitudes about ourselves and others and the world we live in. It is also about the messages we have carried with us from childhood. What we eat, where, when, how and with whom we eat, are all important pieces of information for us to explore if we are to serve our bodies well and manage our own needs effectively. Selecting what we put into our bodies and the ways that we manage that process are complex phenomena. Urges to eat are amazingly strong and we can feel overpowered by them. We may sometimes feel that we have no say in the matter at all. Urges overwhelm us. We feel helpless to stop or control them.

To be successful at managing eating behavior, it is helpful to understand why reasonable eating is so difficult to accomplish. If we have no idea why we are doing something, our chances of changing that behavior are minimal. Instead, we tend to view our behavior as mysterious and beyond our control. If we examine some of the motives behind our out-of-control, usually emotional eating behavior and gain insights into our own personal reasons for overeating, we can demystify the process and empower ourselves to make different, informed choices.

In the weeks ahead, I will shine a light on some of the reasons we overeat at times. Meanwhile, when you have urges to grab those cookies and chocolate bars, sit still for just a moment, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and see if you can pin point why you are heading towards the treats in your cupboard or in the candy machine. Sometimes just breaking the cycle by doing this can help you ward of your Chew.

Meanwhile, be gentle with yourself and enjoy your day! warmly, Dr. Denise

What is the Chew?

Since this is the Chew Tamer's Blog I thought it would be nice to review what exactly the Chew is. So here goes...

What is the Chew? The Chew is our saboteur. She/he is a devious, powerful, destructive little creature who is always lurking somewhere within us to sabotage our most sincere and ambitious attempts to stop eating compulsively. The Chew is not a stranger to the millions of us who have struggled with food control issues for a lifetime. She/he is a ravenous monster who lures us into donut shops and candy stores and who crams food into our mouths with brute force. She/he is a hurtful, persistent, out of control part of each of us. As you read these weekly blogs you will become well acquainted with your personal Chew and you will learn ways to cope with him or her. As you become intimately familiar with your Chew you will be fully equipped to win your battles against compulsive emotional eating.

Please approach this experience one day at a time in an open way. Suspend any expectations you now hold about your eating behavior. It has taken you years to become a compulsive eater. Your Chew has been in charge for a long time and it will take a bit of time to reverse old, self-destructive behaviors. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you learn ways to manage your personal Chew and you will discover ways to neutralize his/her power. As you become more familiar with yourself you will be able to sense the Chew’s presence before you reach for the cookies. You will be able to maintain control over yourself, your eating behavior and your life.

You can never be free of your Chew entirely. She/he has been with you since your earliest years and is a vital part of your humanness. You can, however, learn to accept this as part of you and ignore your self-destructive urges. You can Tame your Chew. You can live free from insistent urges to binge. With regular reading, this blog will help!

Transitions and emotional eating

A difficult time for many of us to approach our eating behaviors in a thoughtful way is when we find ourselves in any kind of transition. Transition means any time of change – any time when there are important decisions to make or conflicting feelings to experience. We may be moving to a new location, beginning a new job, having a child, graduating from or entering school, for example. It is common to feel fearful and overwhelmed when we face change and emotional eating is one way we take care of ourselves during such times. ( By the way, using the Bach remedy Elm can calm your overwhelmed feelings and the Bach Emotional Eating Support Kit can help you regain control and come back into a centered, positive balance.)

Transition also means any movement, growth, or challenge. A woman may be changing her marital status, entering her menopausal years, coping with illness or caring for aging parents or a sick child. Transition can also be as simple as getting in the car to go from one location to another. (Have you ever wondered why you sometimes feel “driven” to binge while you are driving?) So be aware that whenever you are involved in any process of growth and facing change you may be particularly susceptible to emotional overeating and your Chew may seem particularly powerful at that time. As mentioned in The Taming of the Chew, understanding this and realizing that you are not the only one who feels out of control at times can help you turn your attention away from berating yourself and perpetuating your self-destructive behavior. Then you can be more gentle with yourself and begin taking positive, healthy actions on your own behalf.

Are you a binge-eater?

Following is a clinical description of a “binge eater” which I have excerpted from The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fourth Edition (DSM IV, 1994) used by the American Psychiatric and Psychological Associations to identify and diagnose various disorders. One condition that they have labeled “binge-eating disorder” pertains to persons who eat in an out of control way. Following is a list of criteria that must be met in order for this diagnosis to apply. Please read the following information carefully. If you fit the criteria for binge-eating disorder (or if you struggle with Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa), I urge you to consult professionals who are knowledgeable and skilled in the treatment of food control issues.

Binge Eating Disorder

A. Recurrent episodes of binge eating. An episode is characterized by both of the following:
1. eating, in a discrete period of time (e.g., within any 2-hour period), an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat in a similar period of time under similar circumstances.
2. a sense of lack of control over eating during the episode (e.g., a feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating)

B. The binge-eating episodes are associated with three (or more) of the following:
1. eating much more rapidly than normal
2. eating until feeling uncomfortably full
3. eating large amounts of food when not feeling physically hungry
4. eating alone because of being embarrassed by how much one is eating
5. feeling disgusted with oneself, depressed, or very guilty after overeating

C. Marked distress regarding binge eating is present.
D. The binge occurs, on average, at least two days a week for six months.
E. The binge eating is not associated with regular use of inappropriate compensatory behaviors (e.g., purging, fasting, excessive exercise) and does not occur exclusively during the course of Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa. (If you are using these inappropriate, dangerous compensatory behaviors please do seek professional help.)

If you did meet the above criteria, begin by scheduling an appointment with your medical doctor for a complete physical (which includes appropriate blood work). You may also wish to consult someone who is open to holistic health and uses alternative practices in his or her work (such as herbal therapy, homeopathy, naturopathy, etc.) You may also want to consult with a nutritionist who is open to alternative eating styles and possibly to meet with a psychologist or psychotherapist. Having this support and guidance can help. Also, for many of us, it may be useful to view food abuse as a powerful addiction – as a dependency and to locate a professional who can work with us from that perspective. Only you know how problematic food is for you and only you can evaluate the degree to which you are dependent upon food and whether or not you should seek professional help.

You are worth taking care of!

Make Friends with Your Appetite

What does it mean to befriend your appetite, and why is it important?

As the Emotional Eating Expert, I can assure you that the basic premise is this:

· Your appetite (or Chew) transmits constant streams of messages to you that frequently are not about actual hunger.

· If you simply pay attention to the hunger messages and attempt to satiate yourself with food, you have missed important communications from your internal guidance system. You are likely to remain hungry and not feel satisfied.

· When you tame or befriend your appetite and pay close attention to the valuable communications it brings, you begin to value your appetite as a true friend instead of regarding it as a foe.

· Because your desires extend far beyond controlling both your food intake and your weight, your Chew begins to work beside you to encourage you along the path to radiant health, joy, balance, and the creation of the life you truly desire.

· To craft your ideal life, you must be clear about what your desires actually are and learn to be positive as much as possible. Then, as the Law of Attraction assures, you will attract positive experiences and feelings.

· Your Chew will become friendly, loyal, and playful and will stand beside you. It will alert you vigilantly when you are on the right track, moving toward achieving your life goals, or when you are not. It will constantly and faithfully deliver messages from your internal guidance system about what choices are in your best interest in all aspects of your life.

Emotional eating will become a thing of the past!

Overeating and stress

When we are experiencing any stressor, our whole being reacts. Emotions surface and we flood with feelings. We may feel scared at times -- unsafe, helpless, furious, overwhelmed, or sad, to name just a few possible stressful feelings. Sometimes we become depressed or anxious and do not understand why.

As human beings we act and react. Part of us tries to suppress or deny our uncomfortable feelings while another part of us is reacting to situations all around us. There is no one right way to react or to feel in any given situation. When we are experiencing emotions, some that we understand and some that we may not understand, the end result is that we are in distress. So many triggers cause stress and we often turn to unhealthy, old patterns in search of relief. We may seek food for comfort. So many of us do!

This is natural, so please don’t beat yourself up if you have indulged in some extra goodies lately. We learn at a tender age that sugars and carbohydrates will take away our pain. These substances mask themselves as our friends. They urge us to take care of our uncomfortable feelings by stuffing our bellies with creamy pastas, pastries and chocolate. The hard part is that they deliver what they promise. These foods help us in the short term to stuff our feelings deep inside where we don’t have to deal with them.

When the effects of our “anesthetics” wear off, our physical bodies scream for MORE and our emotional selves (which haven’t yet recognized and experienced our emotions) join the chorus and demand more “treats” to continue keeping feelings at bay, soothing emotional eating. Some of us may seek alcohol, sex, gambling or drugs to avoid the complex emotions of everyday life. We Chew Tamer’s may be more likely to prowl the bakery aisle at the grocery store or to use any combination of escape mechanisms.

Remember, your feelings exist for a reason. Each feeling is telling you something. Each is bringing you valuable information about what’s going on around and within you. Listen. Experience your feelings and let yourself feel every high and low that life brings your way. No one ever said that life meant experiencing only pleasant emotions. In fact, we need the difficult ones to appreciate the joyous ones.

If you do choose (and it is a choice, though it may not feel like one at the time) to soothe yourself with food, please don’t beat yourself up when you are done. That NEVER helps! None of us can walk our paths perfectly at all times. We are all human and we all make less than self-loving choices at times. Move beyond the urge to punish yourself. Recall, as mentioned in The Taming of the Chew that there are no mistakes, only lessons. Be as gentle as possible with yourself.

And remind yourself that life flies by. It is a blink of time. Amidst the stress and turmoil, tap into the peace and quiet strength within yourself. Bypass unhealthy choices as often as you can and don’t beat yourself if occasionally you can’t. I also suggest the Bach Emotional Eating Support Kit to help you stay in control, learnthe lessons contained in your mistakes and foster appreciation of your body.

Most importantly, appreciate each moment of this exciting, emotional, and sometimes turbulent journey!

warmest wishes, Dr. Denise

We Are All Works in Progress - Part II

We are all marvelous works in progress. Please never diet again and realize that life is not about being thin. It is about being healthy, loving yourself just the way you are and eating in ways that feel nurturing – not compulsive and self-abusive. My wish is that you feel healthy, peaceful and happy with yourself regardless of how many pounds you weigh. I have spent countless hours in my role as a therapist listening to my clients’ painful histories and experiences and helping them in their personal struggles to control their eating. People have come to share their stories of guilt, self-hatred, shame and frustration. In their pasts, some have lost weight, some have not. Some have developed an ability to accept themselves no matter what their weight may be, and others have abandoned hope, finding the battle against compulsive eating too demanding and discouraging.

This is easy to understand. We are bombarded daily with confusing messages about what to do, what to eat (or not eat) and how to look and act. The problem can easily become overwhelming! Many of us have tried an assortment of fad diets, weight loss gimmicks, pills that claim to melt pounds away and exercise machines that promise thinner thighs and disappearing bellies in an impossibly short time and with little effort. These attempts to control our bodies and to mold them into shapes idealized today generally end in failure, cause great anxiety and the urges to overeat become more persistent than ever.

We may never completely eliminate urges to eat compulsively. They may manifest from time to time just because we are human beings with appetites. We can, however, learn ways to recognize these urges when they surface and to choose other ways to deal with them. If we attempt to eat a healthy diet but we ignore other important needs (e.g. our need for exercise, rest, laughter, relationships, attention to our feelings, solitude, etc.) we soon find ourselves turning to food as we have in the past – to fill our needs. Food, of course, does not fulfill our real needs. We will be forever turning to food to nurture and satisfy ourselves if we don’t identify what our real needs are and discover ways to fulfill them satisfactorily.

In this blog, I share information to help you understand food control issues from many perspectives: physical, emotional, social, environmental and spiritual. I also offer suggestions to help you manage those urges to overeat. I share my own experiences where I think they may be helpful to you and draw upon the wisdom of the many clients I have worked with. I am thrilled that you are joining me here, to visit and explore this frustrating issue for yourself. I’m honored to have you by my side on this Chew Tamer’s Journey!
Do something absolutely wonderful for yourself today. Buy yourself flowers or visit a loving friend. Take a walk at the beach or in a forest. Go play. Walk barefoot on the grass. Push the envelope. Take a risk. Be silly. Go to http://www.deniselamothe.com/ and sign up for my free, quarterly newsletter. And then, subscribe to this blog (see right hand column) to receive posts in your own mailbox!

And remember, we are all one and you are never alone.